Cultivate anguish

Thanissaro Bhikku, in his essay introducing Buddhism to new practitioners, said that we should cultivate feelings of anguish about the illness, aging and death in the world. If I may do so, I would extend those feelings of anguish to the poverty, war, and in general, all the stupid reasons that people hurt each other over. This is delicate act as it can easily be turned to despair. Despair is something that cannot be explained. It can only be felt. I think I may have almost given it to it, but the Bhagawad Geeta brought me back from the brink. Now, Ven.Thanissaro and his talks, and writings on the teachings of the Buddha are give me the discipline, mental equanimity, and clarity to not let the anguish turn into despair. I'm gonna keep cultivating the anguish called "samvega" by the Buddhists, and hopefully the "pasada" too.

One of my favourite tv characters, "General Iroh" said in the 5th episode of the 2nd season :

Never give into despair. Allow yourself to slip down that road and you surrender to your lowest instincts. In the darkest times hope is something you give yourself. That is the meaning of inner strength.

I think that statement is extremely insightful. I think Pasada has also to do with inner strength, and it can definitely be cultivated.

As a side note, Arsenal are really unhealthy for the heart. Don't they consider the physical and mental well being of their fans even one bit? They HAD to wait till the 95th minute! Sarcasm aside, I'm glad for the win. The players showed a little bit of their own "inner strength".

Have a great weekend. 'tis a bad weekend to have ton of work, what with the sun finally out. Hope nobody else has to work through the weekend.

Happiness is real only when shared

As you may have figured out already, It takes me a while to understand certain things. Like for example, Altruism. That you can only be truly happy when you aren't hurting someone else in the process. Chris McCandless, better known as Alexander Supertramp ( a book and movie of his journey titled "into the wild" for more information ) said Happiness is real only when shared. Now I didn't understand that completely when I saw the movie. I mean I understood the meaning, but I had no idea how to cultivate Altruism in me. The buddha says Altruism begins with realizing that your happiness depends on the happiness of others. I truly feel the buddha is the greatest teacher I've ever had. The mark of a good teacher is the ability to decompose the concept into simpler concepts. That his teachings are helping people even 2500 yrs after his death says something about the Buddha that I cannot express in words.

My room mate has been unable to walk for a few days now. Almost every day, and every night, his friends come over and cook for him, chat with him, and eat dinner with him. Its probably what everyone's friends do, but it begs the question, what is it that stops us from being this nice to everyone, and not just our friends? Why do we dislike people? Now I'm not saying I love everyone under the sun. Far from it. However, I am starting to be mindful of my negative feelings. I wonder why I dislike someone. I wonder why anyone dislikes someone.

Story so far part 2

After reading through the aphoristic sayings of the bhagawad geeta and trying to put them in practice, I found that it helped me immensely. My mind was more easily at peace than before. Although, there are some sayings in the bhagawad geeta that caused a great deal of stress in me. I haven't understood it correctly, but that can be attributed to the complexity of the verses and my limited intelligence. I also lacked a teacher, to whom I could put forward my questions, and like any skill or science, a teacher is necessary to achieve mastery. The Geeta taught me a lot. It taught me the ideals. The book defined true happiness to me in such a beautiful way, that I was captivated by it. However, It didn't really elucidate a path by which I could attain Nirvana, at least not one that seemed to be working for me. After a period of great frustration again, the pali canon was sent to me by the universe as an act of providence. (Briefly in between, I read part of the book by Arthur Schopenhauer, The world as will and representation, but I stopped once I got my hands on the canon) The pali canon, translated by Ajaan Geoff ( Thanissaro Bhikku ) into english, contains the principle teachings of The Buddha. I don't know how many people feel the same way, but when I'm stressed out, and I pick up a philosophical book, I either instantly identify with it, or I have no idea what the book is trying to say. When I read the introduction of the canon, I felt my stress dissolving away. So far, I've read about 4 chapters of the canon, and I am happy to say that it has and will continue to be a big influence on my life. The teachings of the Buddha not only clearly light a path towards Nirvana, they are not as terse as the verses in the Geeta and extensive in its explanation. This coupled with the fact that Thanissaro Bhikku's dhamma talks are widely available on the web, suddenly fill me with great hope. I have now both a path that I believe in, and a teacher to shine the light.

Story so far

I spent 19 yrs of my life doing nothing worth mentioning . Then, in the fall of 07, I smoked my first joint. 100 joints later in the summer of 2008, I bought my first bong. Sometime after my 500th bowl, I stopped feeling clueless after smoking weed. For people who haven't smoked weed, here's a short tutorial. The first few times you smoke weed, everything is funny. And i mean EVERYTHING! It's not too uncommon for people who are stoned to just look at each other and laugh for a long, long time. However, I must say this reaction varies from person to person. There are some people who may react adversely to weed and act insane....poor guys. Then the euphoria slowly fades away, and is replaced by somnolence, for people who smoke heavily atleast. If you don't smoke marijuana heavily and smoke it just right, it makes your mind run faster than than a racehorse on speed. So after my 500th bowl, almost any amount of weed i smoked was just right given my body's constitution. So smoking weed just right, I eventually ended up thinking about my place in the world and the meaning of life and all the other crap that you aren't supposed to be thinking about. When you start thinking about this sorta thing i.e the reason why the world is the way it is now, with all the wars and the discrimination and generally, all the injustices that people commit against other people, its a sinking feeling. Sometime around the winter of 2008, I started to sink. I was easily irritable, and snapping at anyone who slighted my ego in the least. The only thing i remember doing right at this time was continuing to smoke "just right" and continuing to think. The despair was harder to deal with given my financial problems at this point i.e spring (march) 2009. I kept smoking and kept thinking for much of the summer. At some point, I realized I was drowning with all these emotions and I needed some guidance. I must admit I was agnostic and almost atheistic during this period. And then I started reading the Bhagawad Geeta........